The success of your goals remains tied to, and affected by your roots, which are your family. They are your first mentors, first teachers, first supporters and the foundation of the rest of your life. They are your primary reference and influence over your destiny and all your life develops first from the family you are born in, and later your life choices. And when you become an adult, you get a chance to have your own family too! Family, therefore, is a big deal.
In today’s article, I first describe marriage as the starting point of family, then describe the forgotten beauty of family. I share marriage insights first, because, like every other foundation, a right/wrong partner extends to a happy/fighting couple and ends with well/ill-bred children who later because the face of society.
Society gives high regard to the marital status “married” and associate it with responsibility and maturity. There are job positions and social responsibilities preferably given to the married. However, the concept of marriage is no longer exciting. The corporate world cares less about it, and we have more professional and personal goals/desires that compete for time & attention with family. Consequently, we have more divorces and financial crises than before. And the social status of marriage remains respectable regardless of the increased pressures to the marriage institution.
A classical description of marriage is where “a man leaves his father and mother, clings to his wife and the two become one.
A more sensational description of marriage is this: a lady leaves the lovely place that has been her home then foregoes of her maiden freedom/pleasures to build a future with a choice mate. Whether it be romantic or not, it’s a big decision to make and affects many people.
Marriage affects the marrying parties, their families, friends, enemies and exes. Of the rites of passage taught to me in high school (birth – initiation to adulthood – marriage – death), marriage is the most celebrated and most involving. So marriage is a big deal.
The Forgotten Beauty of Family
A family begins as a married couple. They compliment each other, providing what former families could not provide and in a deeper manner than what you get from friends. The relationship between a couple is the most personal and intimate. It bears both the roses and its thorns. You get to know the most beautiful things about a person, and the ugliest as well. It’s a big deal having so much vulnerability from one person. Who you choose is a big deal.
It’s not easy defining beauty in a family after growing in a broken society where happiness and success are anchored on material possessions, and outward image of lager-than-life status. It’s also tricky to paint of true love in a world full of divorces, victims of domestic violence and manipulations in the form of flattery. Nevertheless, family still remains important .
A child first knows its family before it knows relatives or society. It’s therefore likely that their primary standards of reference – be it moral and ethics; career preferences, or the size and type of goals. Ever heard the saying that “the apple falleth not far from the tree?” The quality of your family is your first and most critical reference for the destiny you pursue. Your family has an influence over your goals and who you’re likely to be. Your children in your own family shall also be influenced primarily by you as a parent. And so family is a big deal.
At society level, we humans are bred differently. Some of us are well-bred and others products of neglect and violence, which mostly happens at family. For instance, that bully in school is probably mean because his age-mate from a happier family lives better. He didn’t choose to have mean parents and he becomes a social misfit partly because of where he was born. The good thing is people change as they grow up, some for better and others for worse. Getting older gives us a better chance to choose our friends, character and values. But still, it’s shaped and affected by the experiences we get to have with our families. Therefore, marriage is a big deal to society too.
No matter how far you go in life, you will always have some roots you can never change. And these roots are the family you were born in and the experiences you got to have. You will never change the roots but you can change your destiny through your goals. Do the following with your family and you shall be at peace with your family/roots
- Honor your parents(even if they did not do you justice)
- Respect your brothers and treat them with dignity (even if they don’t deserve it)
- Treat your sisters as you would do to the ladies you respect in the streets (besides your mother, they’re the second most likely to be there for you at your worst)
- Divorce your work from your family, and your family from your work. Don’t carry domestic problems to the workplace, or transfer workplace problems to the family.
- Be kind to yourself. No criticism, complains and condemnation (even from a family member) should make you see self as less worth, less capable or a less deserving being
Above all, let not the shadows of life dull the light in your spirit. In the dark, be grateful for you get to view the stars. In the light, be grateful, for the path is easier to trudge. Give family its space and place, and give your goals their place and space too.