“Who are you, really?” That’s at tough question that lives with us almost everyday. How you view yourself in varying social contexts shapes how you dress, how you speak, and how you behave. Your identity must match the social context to fit better and stand a better chance at gaining social benefits.

Today’s post is about how much effort it takes to fit into various social settings. We want to be accepted by others, and to be regarded as valuable/important by others. We make a lot of efforts to change how we dress, speak and behave in order to achieve social acceptance and also the social rewards. In the process, we become actors in the social world.

An example from the past is how popular students at school would be envied by other students for the apparent ‘freedom’ they had. These students would have more interesting stories to tell – more interesting than the typical student with present parents and restricted freedom. While socially accepted at school, such a student often had career parents that would spend more time at work than with their children. Such parents compensated for their absence by showering the kids with material gifts and experiences. Such ‘cool’ students had a bigger than life identity at school but had little to no childhood experience back at home. They consequently missed a chance to be children at a young age (psychological protection and guidance), and had higher probability of being parentified children.

Another example is in the workspace. People are keen to dress for the job, speak professionally and adopt a personality that is at times a sharp contrast to who they are around their family members. A warm and loving parent may be a brutal police officer or a leader of a criminal gang, and a dedicated employee (even a top performer) could be simultaneously neglecting their families. Similarly, a party animal could be exuding all the happiness because they are away from a toxic spouse.

What you see from the above examples is how our environments influence how we speak, dress and behave. Today’s post is a reminder that your behaviour – good and bad – are not always your fault. There are times when, consciously or unconsciously, we dress, speak and act in certain ways as a consequence of the immediate environment.

It thus remains important that we should continuously strive to live deliberately.

Lead your life to reach your goals; live deliberately